


You break my shell

by hornblowerfic_archivist



Category: Hornblower (TV), Hornblower - C. S. Forester
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-04
Updated: 2005-08-04
Packaged: 2018-05-21 05:38:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6040258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hornblowerfic_archivist/pseuds/hornblowerfic_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Orrock realises something's missing in his life... (slight implcations of slash if you're looking for it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You break my shell

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Hornblowerfic.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Hornblowerfic.com). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in January 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [Hornblowerfic.com collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hornblowerfic/profile).

Always’ve been a tough guy… I was taught to never let myself go soft.

Dad always said I needed to be strong and emotionless if I ever wanted to survive in the Bristish Navy…

At first, I didn’t want to go, I was afraid of what people would say, would think of an Irish guy joining the navy so soon after the last Irish rebellion was tamed…

And unfortunately, I was right to be afraid.

In my first month aboard a ship, I got insulted, bullied and even… well, I was raped.

But it didn’t matter, because I had my shell, my little world. When my days were too rough, I closed my eyes and thought of Ireland, my home, my country.

Singing to myself, I got lost in time.

And nothing could hurt me…

But then, you came around… I had been serving on a vessel for 2 years when I was finally transferred on the Hotspur. I was going to serve under the orders of a famous British Commander : Captain Horatio Hornblower

And there you came along, all clumsy, delicate and girlish. You looked so soft and fragile, so small among this crowd of tough and practical grown men.

At first, I was very annoyed with you. You did everything wrong, couldn’t even bark an order loud enough to be heard by your men.

Then I pitied you. Because obviously, you would never find your place on a ship, no matter how hard you tried.

But then I pitied myself, because I would never find mine either.

I can’t really remember when the pity melted into something more, when I started aching to hold you while you sobbed at night. When I actually hugged you for the first time…

But it doesn’t matter either.

Then one day, I realised… I realised something had melted inside my heart and I could do nothing about it. Each time our eyes met, each time you reached for my hand in the dark, each time you pressed yourself against my chest after I got beaten, thinking I needed to be comforted, protected…

And yes, I did… I did need to be protected…

From you.

And when I saw you fall on the beach, when I saw your lips stretch and your wonderful clear blue eyes close, I finally understood…

I would never be the same.

My shell broke with you.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.


End file.
